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Literature Text
I was someone before I met you, too.
I had what I needed
My child mind dreamed of dragons and glitter rain.
I sang myself to sleep each night,
A cradlesong like stars flickering
Knowing that someday I'd be everything I wanted to be.
Your eyes will no longer be the prison
That holds me.
I will believe in the myths again
If it's what will save me.
I choose the life I live.
And I choose a life that is danced, not staggered through;
A life that embraces mystery.
I choose to accept what you have done to me,
But not let it consume me.
I was someone before I met you, too.
I had what I needed
My child mind dreamed of dragons and glitter rain.
I sang myself to sleep each night,
A cradlesong like stars flickering
Knowing that someday I'd be everything I wanted to be.
Your eyes will no longer be the prison
That holds me.
I will believe in the myths again
If it's what will save me.
I choose the life I live.
And I choose a life that is danced, not staggered through;
A life that embraces mystery.
I choose to accept what you have done to me,
But not let it consume me.
I was someone before I met you, too.
Literature
i could be nothing
some days you look at me as if i am
worth remembering,
glances studying my face like a road map.
but mostly, i find your eyes stuck in the static
of the pavement, or lost
in the clouds
gathering before lightning.
and we never promise anything, just share the air like strangers
when we don't know what to say.
(it always ends with a silence more desolate
than broken trust.)
you said this is the calm before the storm
but what if
it never slows down
enough for me to notice
that there are days when we can exist
without doubting every second. you have a tendency to whisper
too quietly, leaving room for me to imagi
Literature
All These Things I Do
Sitting on the sidelines is no good pastime
Listening to sad music is no way to make me smile.
Crying on the cold damp floor will not make me feel better.
And yet all these things I do...
Slitting my wrists doesn't stop the pain.
Never eating doesn't make me pretty.
Throwing up won't make me more beautiful.
And yet all these things I do...
Holding my breathe and waiting won't make him see.
Letting love walk by every day will never raise my self esteem.
Thinking only of when I'll lose him, rather than what we have now, will never help me be happy.
And yet all these things I do....
Literature
faulty
There is something wrong with your head.
That's what they'll tell you. They have charts, statistics, big words with even bigger meanings to dissect what's going on inside your brain. They break it down to chemicals. They break it down to traumatic experiences, to overwhelming pressure in school or at work. Somewhere inside of your most powerful organ, they tell you, there is a critical piece missing. When your heart goes bad they cut you up with scissors and build you a new one. Other organs can be repaired or replaced. But your brain?
When your brain goes bad they feed you happy pills and lies. They tell you that some day you might grow ou
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you did not make me.
i have always been someone special.
i have always been someone special.
© 2012 - 2024 inkstain-fingertips
Comments35
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Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactI agree with Winterkate - this is a beautiful and very compelling poem.
In general, consider condensing each line into its bare essentials and varying the syntax a little more. It might be interesting to just say "I was someone" in the first line. This would make the sentence stronger, and it might also add an element of suspense/mystery, because your reader would not immediately know what the poem was about. Also, consider leaving the "too" off of the last line.
"Child mind" sounds a little bit awkward to me, though that may be a personal preference. Maybe an analogy would work here. Also, this might be a good place for a sentence inversion.
On a grammatical note, it should be "sang" instead of "sung", but I like this line and the two that follow it - very effective. Consider changing "wanted to be" to "dreamed", though - that might make it flow better.
The line, "Your eyes will ...", might be a good place to play with the sounds a little. This is a strong, confident line, so repeating harsher consonants and/or using an iambic meter might be interesting.
To me, "the" in "I will believe in the myths again" sounds somewhat awkward.
In "And I choose a life that ...", consider playing with the syntax a bit. "Is danced" sounds a bit awkward to me. In the following line, you personify "life", and that works really well for your syntax. Consider personifying life in the previous line, as well.
Perhaps "But not let it consume me" is also a good place to play with the syntax. Consider using the word "never" here.
All in all, wonderful poem! These are just a few suggestions, and I hope I didn't go overboard on my advice - it is the trifles that lead to perfection. And if I'm pushing you, it's only because you're a very good writer, and have it in you to be an absolutely great writer. Keep at it!